Post by medwinatswpa on Sept 25, 2007 17:25:11 GMT
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year...
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about
rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use
a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the
same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl
(Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the
1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once
I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are
sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214
angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has
granted my every wish.
I no longer eat at KFC because their chickens are actually
horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though
I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get
answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends
and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch
the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm
filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me
with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone
will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a
phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine
because a big brown African spider is lurking under
the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick
up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because
it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people
in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will
land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the
fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you
to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened
to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's
second husband's cousin's beautician.
Have a wonderful day!
By the way....A South American scientist from Argentina ,
after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with
insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail
with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late...
THIS IS SOOOOO ME AT THE MOMENT!
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about
rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use
a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the
same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl
(Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the
1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once
I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are
sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214
angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has
granted my every wish.
I no longer eat at KFC because their chickens are actually
horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though
I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get
answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends
and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch
the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm
filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me
with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone
will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a
phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine
because a big brown African spider is lurking under
the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick
up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because
it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people
in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will
land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the
fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you
to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened
to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's
second husband's cousin's beautician.
Have a wonderful day!
By the way....A South American scientist from Argentina ,
after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with
insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail
with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late...
THIS IS SOOOOO ME AT THE MOMENT!